Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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