2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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