I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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