what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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