His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
