it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
