Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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