I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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