4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
