I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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