from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
