He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
