Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
