i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
