If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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