Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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