oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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