that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need moral support for this bender
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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