All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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