ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
