Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
