I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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