i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
