I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
