atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
