Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
