the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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