I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
