So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
