it hurts more in the daytime
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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