Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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