i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
