i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
