So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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