I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
