I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
