Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
