All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
