i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
