I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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