Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
