i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
