I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
