Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
