she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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