if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've blown a few things in my day
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
