Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
