Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
