Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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