she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
