Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
