Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
