Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
