it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
