How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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