And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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