Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
