I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
