but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
