If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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