I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If I die, sorry about rent.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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