that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
