i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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