The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
