DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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