Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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