girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How naked do you want me to be?
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